A new way to be green

We all know we're supposed to be green. But admit it, sometimes it's a pain in the butt. I mean, the blue box, the grey box, the red box, the green box, not to mention composting. I'll admit it. Sometimes, I'm not very green. I live in a condo, so we're not allowed to compost or have a green box. You can, of course, recycle bottles, cans and paper, but you have to bring it down to the basement to do so, which sometimes sucks, especially when you're all dressed up for work...



and then you get all grimy and you have to back upstairs and fix your makeup.



I know, this is a horrible reason to NOT recycle, but thankfully, a friend just tipped me on to the perfect
solution.




If they work for grime on your face, why not grime on your hands, too? So now, there's no excuse not to bring my recycling downstairs.

And then, this morning, I read this article: Please Refrain from Procreating.

It seems, according to the article, that the best way to stop the earth from dying is to cut off human life. After all, we're the ones killing the earth! This seems a bit drastic. Still, I suppose the article has a point that maybe we shouldn't each have 17 children.

I know, this may be hard to handle, if you were hoping to give birth to your own Tour de France team...



Or were looking forward to your breasts inflating to astronomical proportions, making all your friends green with envy...



But really, that's a whole different type of green. And it's not one that's going to save the world. Instead, there's a few things you can do to save yourself from 17 children ... and save the world!

They're very easy and can be accomplished in the same amount of time as it takes to read this.

First, try to avoid boys who will woo you into the bedroom by showing you what they have to offer...



You may be thinking: But what if I'm bored? What will I do?

Instead, invite your girlfriends over for a nice, safe, sex-free night of cards...



Or call up a neighbour and find out what's been going on in the neighbourhood...



Or buy a new swimsuit and go sit on a diving board... (but don't make eye contact with any boys)...




Then, take a break and think about how you could not do this for even FIVE seconds if you had a baby...



There. Have you managed to avoid having babies in the time it took to read this? Then you have done your part. At least for today. And don't worry. One baby? Fine. Three babies. It's okay. Entire synchronized swim team?...



Maybe not.

Tuck Shop & Freebie Friday (combined!)

I know it's Friday and you're thinking about the weekend, but we have something very important to discuss: grey hair.

Myth: Pulling out one grey hair will result in two grey hairs growing back in the same spot.

So, I know what you're thinking: this is TOTALLY a myth. So maybe it's not totally true, but if you think you see two hairs growing back in the same place, it's not a coincidence. Here's the thing: apparently, if you try to pluck out a grey hair, chances are you're not going to actually pull it out at the root. Instead, you won't get the entire root, and instead, stress out the hair follicle, causing it to get all wiry and split into two so that when the hair pokes its ugly grey head through your scalp, it will grow in two strands.

Which would explain why in the two places that I've been plucking out greys since I was 21, there are now many, many greys. My hair USED to look like this:

Now, it looks like this:

There are just TOO many to spend my time plucking out.

The trouble is that I've been colour-free for five years now. I'm in full recovery from my addiction. I can't go back to colouring my hair. The time, the appointments, the money... I REALLY just can't go back.

Then I had an idea. What if I used John Frieda Luminous Color Glaze to cover my greys?

I asked a John Frieda expert, who claimed it just might work. I've used it in the past and loved the way it made my mousy brown hair richer in colour and texture, but I figure this time, I'm going to concentrate all the product, and my attention, on just the greys. I know it says it's supposed to enhance only your brown hair, so I'm not positive it's going to work on grey hair, but I figure it's worth a try.

It's not a hair dye, exactly, but when you put it on your hair in the shower you have to wash your hands immediately or the colour will stain your hands.

So here's the challenge. I'm going to use the Color Glaze every time I wash my hair (about 3 x a week) for a few months and see if it covers my greys.

If you're up for the challenge, too (and have brown hair since that's the colour of Hair Glaze I'm giving away) email me at chantel (at) chantelsimmons (dot) com and you could win a bottle to try for yourself!

That is, unless you are lucky enough not to have grey hair.

We're TOTALLY not going to talk about Lindsay

So Lindsay wants her privacy, because this is TOTALLY like, NOT her fault. Even though she refused the Breathalyzer test and failed the sobriety test and had coke in the car. Maybe she was going to the laundromat because she doesn't have laundry at home and she needed to wash her favourite outfit for her appearance on Jay Leno last night. And if you can't afford a washing machine in your home, then you certainly can't afford a cab or a limo to get to the laundromat, which is why she had to drive. And the sobriety? Well, she was probably just super excited about her new movie. Or, she'd just used new teeth whitening products. For the appearance. But now, because it's totally NOT her fault, she had to miss her appearance on Jay Leno last night, and Rob Schneider had to step in to play the role of LinLo instead...



While she sat in new room in a new rehab clinic (because she didn't go back to Promises in Miami). And tonight she has to miss the premiere of I Know Who Killed Me...



All because she had to drive to the laundromat. Maybe all this could've been avoided if she lived in Florida, where apparently, it's VERY hard to get a driver's license so then she would be forced to take cabs, take a limo or ride her bike. One of my favourite authors and bloggers, Meg Cabot, who lives in Florida, has been sharing some of the driver's license questions, and I have to say, WHY would you possibly need to know how far in the distance if you can't see it is required to have red flashing lights attached to your car when you're towing a heavy load? I mean, who even understands that question? And, who gets their license and then tows a heavy load in the middle of the night on a dark street unless you're an ax murderer and looking to get your license so you can transport the dead bodies from your garage to someone else's backyard pool?

Which is why, I think, it might be a good idea for Meg, and anyone looking to move to Florida and get their licence to get their licence in Ontario, instead. Because these are the types of questions on the Ministry of Transportation driver's licence test:


When may you lend your driver's licence?
a. In emergencies.
b. To a person learning to drive.
c. It is not permitted.
d. For identification purposes.

Now, it's not like LinLo needs to bum a driver's licence for ID purposes at clubs, but if she didn't GET her licence then she wouldn't be able to drive and then she'd be at the premiere tonight, perhaps, sporting this outfit from the movie:



But SERIOUSLY, who doesn't know the answer to this question? Which means, that even if LinLo had taken her test in Ontario, she would easily pass the test anyway, and then we'd be right back where we started. But we're not talking about LinLo, are we? No, we're not. We're talking about all those Floridians who don't want to tow heavy loads but really want their licenses. They should take advantage of the easy questions in Ontario.

If you can't beat 'em...

I was in a golf tournament qualifier yesterday. Basically, it's like a tournament, but you're just qualifying for the real tournament. Which means you can't talk (even when you see a raccoon or gopher that's totally stalking you) and you have to follow ALL the rules (like NOT picking up your ball when it's being a bad-ass and not going in the hole even when you're like 2 inches away from it) or skipping a hole you don't like because it's too hard.

Also, you need to have a good score. Which I did not, due to my ball TOTALLY not wanting to go in the hole when it was supposed to. Unfortunately, this really sucked because the prizes were SO good. There was a blue golf club I totally wanted...



And this visor, which went perfectly with my outfit...



And this ball retriever, which I totally didn't want, because I hate looking for my ball. If it goes in the water, that was where it was meant to go. It doesn't deserve to be retrieved.




*By the way, you're NOT supposed to use your ball retriever like this. I mean, how LAZY is this guy that he can't get out of the cart and pick up his ball? But more importantly, why is he picking up the ball? He's supposed to hit it. With a club.


ANYWAY, I did not win any of these prizes. Because I SUCKED.


I did, however, win this!



A sleeve of pink Maxfli Noodle balls. Know why? Because I had the cutest outfit.

I think we all know what the lesson of the day was: "If you can't beat 'em, just make sure your outfit is cute."

The Friday Five

1. Here's the thing about Forever 21: the average price of the items in the store may be far less than $21, but you will stand in a lineup of 21 girls for 21 minutes or forever, whichever comes first. Then, by the time you actually get into the change cubicle, you will look at the clothes in your hands in confusion because you no longer like any of them, but now feel obligated to try them on, even though they went out of style 21 minutes ago. And then go home, wondering why you just wasted an hour of your vacation doing this.

2. Today is our final Harry Potter-free day before the mayhem hits at midnight. I went for a run this morning and the camera crews were already outside the Indigo on Bay street at 7:30 am. On the Indigo.ca website, there's a banner for Harry Potter, but under it, reads "What to Read After Harry Potter". How would you like to be a rebound author? Personally, I like the Lemony Snicket books better. Still, I guess being mentioned under Harry Potter is good publicity. I certainly wouldn't complain...

3. Kevin Dillon (Johnny Drama) has an Emmy nom for Outstanding Supporting Actor!

I think this is the first Emmys I'm excited for and will watch, just to see if he wins! And Season 3 Part 2 comes out on October 2. Finally. It's still forever and 21 days away, but at least there's finally a release date. When Season 4 started on Movie Network, I thought about subscribing, but since I hadn't yet seen the rest of Season 3, I didn't. Why? What was my logic in this? The upside of course is that I'll still be watching Entourage when I'm 50, at this rate. And this preview of Season 3 part 2 until October 2...

4.

5. I'm in my first qualifier for a golf tournament this Sunday. Which means one thing: I'm in heavy outfit-planning mode today!

Have a good weekend!

A bird in the hand...

I'm on vacation from work this week, and plan to spend the week writing, but there have some distractions.

First, I came home last night to find feathers* on the carpet.

At first, I thought a bird caught Mr. Baz on the patio and dragged him into the bedroom, where he planned to devour him. Because it's not like Mr. Baz could really catch a bird without front claws, and drag the bird into the bedroom, could he?

But Mr. Baz was sitting proudly by the feathers. Which could only mean one thing: he had either devoured the bird, or the bird was somewhere in the house.

Typically when Mr. Baz used to catch birds (when he still had front claws), he would place the bird head in his bowl after he finished eating the rest of the bird for dinner. Or lunch, or an afternoon snack, depending on when he caught the bird.

I checked his bowl, but it was empty. And there were no bones or blood anywhere, which meant the bird was somewhere in the house.

The Hubs and I searched everywhere using our favourite matching pig flashlights...

...which we got as a parting gift at a friend's wedding recently, but we couldn't find the bird anywhere. Instead, Mr. Baz thought that the flashing pig eyes were a game and tried to play with us.

Finally, we gave up and decided that the bird must've escaped and gotten back outside, despite the fact that the patio door was only open six inches - just enough for Mr. Baz to fit his belly through it. I mean, I had to believe that otherwise how was I ever going to get to sleep knowing there was a potentially dead, or crazy-mad featherless bird in the house?

Then, this morning, I got home to find that Mr. Baz had barfed all over the floor. Part of me hopes that it wasn't the bird that made him sick, since the bird could've been chock-full of disease. But secretly, the other part of me hopes it was the bird, just so that I don't find a rotting bird carcass in a pair of shoes next week.

Now, Mr. Baz is sleeping under the bed. Recovering. I hope. Not playing with the dead bird.

*Note: the feathers weren't actually pink. I didn't take a picture of the actual feathers, because that's just gross.

50 Books I've Read More Than Once & Freebie Friday ... combined!

This autumn, Douglas Coupland will have an exhibit at Simon Fraser University called Fifty Books I've Read More Than Once.

Some of the books in his exhibit are:

Age of Extremes
Karen Ann
Giant Molecules

Hmm...I have not read any of these books once, nevermind twice, though I'm wondering if my high school Intro to Canadian History book counts? I definitely read that textbook more than once. Still, this exhibit inspired me to create my own list of books I've read more than once. But once I started I realized that if I love an author, I read all the books by that author more than once, such as Stuart McLean, Judy Blume, Beverly Cleary, the Nancy Drew Mysteries... and then I started to wonder, do each of the books in the Nancy Drew Mystery series really count as separate books?

I'm not sure. Anyway, instead of listing each of my favourite Nancy Drew books, I've created my 10 top list of Books by 10 Different Authors that I have Read More than Once. Here goes:

1. Lord of the Flies
2. Bridget Jones's Diary
3. Catcher in the Rye
4. Good Grief
5. Eat Cake
6. The Bell Jar
7. Frankenstein
8. Are you there God? It's Me, Margaret.
9. Stories from the Vinyl Cafe
10. Booky.

Now, because it's Freebie Friday, if you send me your list of favourite books you've read more than once, I'll post the lists, then send you a Stuck in Downward Dog bookmark, which has a handy list-making feature on the back of it, so you can make a list of the books you want to read twice, then use the actual bookmark to mark your favourite passage in your favourite book. Because sometimes, you don't want to read an entire book over again, but just your single favourite passage. Over and over. Again and again. Sort of like this Brenda/Dylan/Kelly scene from 90210. Because if we were naming TV episodes we've watched more than 10 times, this would make the list.




Can you ever watch this scene too many times?

I didn't think so.