Last night I was at an event where I was playing wing-girl to my friend who liked one of two guys. She talked to the one she liked, and the other guy (who was actually the one who liked her), got stuck talking to me, the married girl. Nothing sucks more than getting stuck talking to a girl who's happily hitched, while your friend hits on the girl you like. At least it was open bar.
Anyway, he sold ads for CollegeHumor.com! So even if he had a crappy time, I got to the bottom of this mystery! Do you know this website?
I discovered the show on MuchMusic a while ago, and am now addicted to it. It's hilarious, but I just assumed that the premise (a bunch of kids started the website to make beer money in college, and then turned the gig into a full-time business) was fake. Then I found the website, and it looked far too complex to be a fake site for the show. Then, I met the guy last night who confirmed it's for real! They did start this website and then it turned into a job and now that's where they all work, and now they get to star in the scripted TV show.
Just call me Nancy Drew.
Or maybe you already knew all that.
If you didn't, here's a clip to get you addicted too.
I'm not really worried about the swine flu, which is weird, because I keep thinking I'm going to get a blood clot to my brain and have an aneurism and die on the spot, so it's not as though I'm not irrational or think I'm invincible. Maybe it's that when SARS hit, I really did not change my habits at all; I took the subway, went to class, went to work, went to grimy bars and kissed lots of boys. On the lips.
Ooh. How naughty.
Did Purell even exist back then? I don't think so. I don't remember using it. And I survived.
Side note: Do you know what Purell's slogan is? I'll tell you.
"Imagine a Touchable World."
Awesome. Sounds like the name of a George Michael song.
At my friend's work downtown, the company sent out a statement saying you can't have more than five people in a meeting at once. Which means that that they had to conference call people in another board room, just to have a regular meeting. It's kind of ridiculous, but at the same time, it's kind of scary.
To keep myself sane, I tell myself piggy stories. Like when I was in grade school I had a teacher who wore pig clothes, pig accessories, and carried pig accoutrements (like her lunch bag, umbrella, etc). It's a weird sight on its own, but see a woman in all pink piggy items every day in a school that is otherwise a mass of green plaid and it's even stranger. A lot of kids made fun of her. I'd like to say I didn't, but I'd by lying. Come on, pig paraphernalia? You'd have made fun too. That's what twelve-year-olds do. Then one day she told us that the reason she was so obsessed with pigs was because her heart stopped working and she got a pig valve put into her body. And so, a pig saved her life.
I felt like the biggest jerk ever for making fun.
I guess it's not that weird to wear pig clothes when you compare it to having part of a pig inside of your body. I wonder how she feels about pigs right now.
When I played baseball, one of the girls on my team had a pig as a pet. She'd bring him to all the games. He was black and had the shiniest coat ever and walked on a leash.
His name was Pigmalion.
No it wasn't. But that would be an awesome name for a pig, no?
My sister was set to go to Cabo last weekend. I emailed her in a panic to ask her if she was still going to go. She wrote back immediately to say that she was already in Mexico and it was a ghost town at the resort which meant she was living like royalty. (Royalty that's about to get piggy flu, I couldn't help but thinking). She said people were running for their lives to catch the last planes out of Mexico and that they were crazy, that it's the flu not a plague. She finished her email by telling me she thought it was a conspiracy by the US government to take our minds of the recession.
If that's true, I think it's working, though does that mean the people who have died are actors and are laughing. Ha ha ha, those crazy North Americans. They think we died from flu from a pig.
They made a movie about this sort of thought process in the 90s. It was called Wag the Dog, remember?
We saw Mr. Baz on Friday night -- he did an amazing job! All three seconds that he was on the screen! But seriously, I was glad that he (and when I say "he" I really mean "we") weren't on the screen for too long because we (and when I say "we" I really mean "I") was sort of making jokes, and the film Cat Ladies was actually sort of sad. There were hilarious parts, but those were actually at the expense of the cat ladies. Not in a mean way, but the film obviously highlighted the stereotype of the "crazy cat lady" -- four of which were featured in the film.
One had three cats.
One had sixteen.
One had 123.
And the final one had too many to count. (The one with 123 actually counted them all.)
The film was incredible and I was so proud of my girl Christie Callan-Jones, the director. She did an amazing job.
There was a short film before Cat Ladies called Statistics, which showed the life of workers in a call centre in Norway. When I first graduated from university I took a government job, and spent my days on the phone helping people start up their small businesses. It was really just a glorified call centre as I spouted out memorized info while doing the daily crossword in the Metro. (I didn't even last my probation period before I went postal and quit). So I could totally relate. The film plays again this weekend - Saturday and Sunday and I highly recommend catching it with Cat Ladies. You won't be disappointed.
Then, to add a little low-brow content to my weekend I watched Bedtime Stories with Adam Sandler.
The film was super cute, but the best part was a scene with Adam Sandler in his truck, rockin out to Rock Me Amadeus. I can't find a clip, so you're getting the actual Falco vide. I forgot how awesome this song is.
Tonight's the night! Mr. Baz is making his big screen debut in the closing credits of Cat Ladies, a documentary that's part of Hot Docs. Months ago, you might remember me blogging about Mr. Baz's experience filming for the documentary; at the time I just assumed the film would air on TV. But then it got accepted to Hot Docs and THEN, the other day OPRAH'S PEOPLE CALLED.
Oprah!
Oprah!
Apparently she's doing a show on documentaries. Could you even imagine if she talked about the Cat Ladies on her show? And what if she needed one of the cats to come? Sure, Mr. Baz isn't the star of the film (which follows women who have hundreds of cats), but he's the comic relief! And he dressed up! Surely she would want him to sit on her couch, wouldn't she?
I would even put him in a tutu, so he'd look pretty.
Compared to this...
...Mr. Baz would look so well-behaved!
Now, aren't you dying to see Cat Ladies? Well you can! Here's the sked:
Tonight, 6:30 pm at the Cumberland: Rush tickets only Saturday, May 9, 9:45 pm at The Royal: Rush tickets only Sunday, May 10, 9 pm at the Cumberland: Advance tickets still available.
And now... I'll leave you with this (Mr. Baz is not in this clip. You have to buy a ticket to see him!):
This Easter, The Hubs and I decided to stay in the city. Thanks to the Easter Bunny's little helper (aka my amazing husband), the Easter Bunny still found us--but didn't pee on us (we were wearing something new)--and left chocolate eggs around our place.
It's much easier to sit down to revisions while eating a chocolate peanut butter egg. Yum.
Unfortunately, when I wasn't revising, I was doing my taxes. Before I met the Hubs, my dad did my taxes. Go dad!
Then the Hubs took over, but instead of just doing my taxes for me, he taught me how to do my own. Every year I'm sure I'm going to dread the day we have to sit down to do them, but in the end it's never that bad because every so often I figure out where a number comes from and I feel empowered. Taxes are actually not very hard, especially if you just follow along with last year's return and write numbers in the same lines. The trick is writing the correct numbers on the right lines.
After I attempt to write in numbers and add them up, The Hubs and I swap tax returns "to check over each other's work". It's a pointless exercise for me, since The Hubs doesn't make a mistake on his return. But for him, his time is spent punching in numbers, erasing my answers and writing in the correct answers.
"I already made a mistake?" I asked in shock two minutes into the exercise. He was only on line 1 of the return.
How hard was it to add up two T4s? I'm fairly certain there's something wrong with my calculator. It happens every single year, and only on my tax return.
"No, it's not wrong, don't worry," The Hubs reassured me (aka lied so I wouldn't feel badly).
So while The Hubs continued to erase and write, erase and write, I started cutting the pages I needed and attaching them to other pages. With all the cutting and stapling and erasing and writing, for a moment, I had this blissful thought that The Hubs and I were scrapbooking together at the dining room table.
It made it all go by much better.
Then, when we finally finished, we opened a bottle of wine and watched this show, because although it is barbaric and ridiculous, if you ask me Who Will Win: The Gladiator or the Apache? I somehow need to know.
So last night, of course, was The Bachelor season final. Don't deny it - you watched. You're not alone: 15.5 million people watched - the highest in Bachelor finale history. I watched, and so did The Hubs. He called me last night to ask if I wanted to go out for dinner and before I could answer, added "Don't worry. I know you have to be home by 8."
When we got home, he announced as we entered our lobby, to our concierge: "Bachelor Finale!" I could've died. I guess it's proof that a bottle of wine will make anybody excited about Jason, Molly & Melissa.
I wanted to hate Jason for what he did, but then I read in People that he wanted to break up with her weeks ago, but the show wouldn't let him, because in his contract, he must appear on After the Final Rose and any development in his relationship - whether good or bad - must be revealed on the show. So he didn't really have a choice.
Then, he went on Jimmy Kimmel right after (which was awesome, right from the opening, when Jimmy gives his final rose to Donnie Wahlberg (of NKOTB, of course), then retracts it and chooses Joe instead). And on the show he explained that he knows everyone hates him for doing what he did, but it's his life and he can't stay with Melissa just because we want him to. Which is true. Anyway, Molly's more interesting and has cute outfits and a real job. Although, during the montage of all the Molly/Jason dates this season, The Hubs turned to me and pointed out:
"She wears a lot of scarves. Maybe she's not a very good department store buyer and so she has to wear all the merchandise that doesn't sell."
I liked that he was giving it so much thought. That's what I look for in a Bachelor-viewing mate.
Anyway, this was the best part of the Jimmy interview:
Jimmy: So now you're with Molly.
Jason: Yes.
Jimmy: You're really with her? Or tomorrow night is there going to be another special and we find something else weird out? Do you have the numbers of all the contestants in case you change your mind again?
Hilarious. Here's the whole interview if you, like me, feel the need to watch every single interview with Jason this week:
In other real reality, how much do you love the story of the real-life mermaid?
Speaking of people with disabilities, there's this cute couple who are blind and have seeing eye-dogs. I pass them at least weekly when I'm walking in my neighbourhood. But yesterday, I saw them and they were just walking. Holding hands. No dogs! What does this mean? They can see?
I was so excited that I wanted to clap and hug them, but then I thought that if they're still blind and have just somehow memorized their walk on Yonge Street, they might be alarmed by some random stranger they can't see mauling them with happiness. And then I'd feel horrible if they were still blind. Maybe the dogs had the day off? Who knows.
Finally, in my own reality of bringing my fictional characters to life, I have an official pub month for my next book: Love Struck. It will be out next February! Just in time for Valentine's Day. Or anti-Valentine's day. Whichever you celebrate! Either way, we've got a whole year of events, contests and giveaways lined up in anticipation, so all you need to know is that if you check back here often, you'll get free stuff from me!
And now...only 6.5 hours until we find out who the next Bachelorette is! And then, we will officially move on to talking about something else. Promise.
So, since I'm obsessed with all things The City, I've been emailing my friend Jay-Rock in NYC about the show with questions, as I mentioned in last week's post, such as:
"Did I eat at Stanton Social?"
To which he somehow remembered that yes, I'd eaten there two years ago on a press junket. But then I had so many more pressing questions and so did my friends, so I was madly emailing him and then emailing my friends to report back. So, then I thought, why keep all the secrets to The City to myself? So every Monday in anticipation of the show, I'm going to give you, my loyal blog-readers, the rundown. Jay-Rock's answers in purple.
My first obsession, of course, was Whitney's apartment. Now, I have friends and relatives who live in New York and I've seen their apartments. For the record, an apartment like the one Monica & Rachel had on Friends does not even exist in the city. Because if it was that big it would be called a penthouse and wouldn't be painted purple. Anyway, most people have an apartment the size of Whitney's head. Originally Jay-Rock said that the apartment would be about $2,500-3,500 US. Last week, he took that back: Whitney's apartment is probably closer to $4500. The camera angles hide just how big it is, but it's a high corner apartment with lots of windows in a new building. It ain't cheap.
Is Gramercy one of the more expensive places to live in the city?
Gramercy is pricing, but no more than other areas. Probably a bit less than the West Village or definitely less than places in the east or west sides near central park. It's on par with Tribeca. Didn't see enough of Erin's place to pass judgment, but probably similar. Looked like there was an outside shot of the building, which was a new luxury building.
Let's talk restaurants, bars and diners:
a) Caffe Falai -- where Whitney and Erin meet for breakfast before work. Is it totally reasonable that she went here before work -- on her way from Gramercy to the Meat Packing District?
Never been but walked by. Reasonably chic, but not a "hot spot". But enough style and comparatively low key that it is a makes for a good place for the Whitney's of the world to go. Location is definitely not on the way from Gramercy to Meat Packing, but not so far out of the way either. In Gramercy go straight down 3rd, just south of Houston will get you to Falai. Then it's straight west to the river and north to work.
b) The Diner (where Whitney and the accounting guy go for lunch). What's the scoop?
Never been, never heard good things about it. Fancy comfort food for the Meat Packing crowd. Meaning it's a place to avoid. For context, most holier-than though Manhattanites (meaning anyone who wants to project an air of cool indifference above it all while complaining how the city is not what it used to be) would now view the Meat Packing District with some disdain. It was edgy and interesting 10-15 years ago. But on Fri and Sat nights it's packed with skanky-looking bridge and tunnel crowd. Better on weeknights, but then it's full of model/scene people. A lot of the restaurants in the area are big, over-the-top places where it's as much about the scene and vibe as the food. Keep all this in mind when assessing anything on the show set in the MPD.
Do you have burning questions about the show you want to know the answers to? Email me and I'll find out the answers by next week!
Well, it's January 7. I'd say that my new year's resolution to update this blog more regularly is going smashing well, wouldn't you?
Ha! I did not MAKE that new year's resolution. Why? Because I inevitably break all my resolutions, so really, it's better to just have none. That way you have more time for other things, such as:
New TV Shows
Are you watching THE NEW BACHELOR with Jason?
Oh my God, do you love him? And what about when DeAnna returns?
Ahhh! Drama!
PS Obviously we could've told her the novelty of that snowboarding dude would've worn off.
Really! What was she thinking?
I'm also watching The City, which is officially my new favourite show. Seriously, what is not to love about Whitney? Actually, I'll tell you what: those crazy culotte shorts she's been wearing on every episode.
Those are not sexy or cute. Please stop wearing them! Just wear a short skirt! But I am loving everything else: Social Olivia Palermo, her cousin, the boys, the job, the setting. The last time I was in NY on a junket, I even ate the Stanton Social, where they ate on this week's episode! Could you imagine if it would've been the same night they were filming?! Sadly, I did not see Jay.
Anyway, I haven't just been watching TV...
Not So New Books
I've also been reading. I just discovered Jane Green. Do you know her? She is the best-selling author of a bunch of books like Jemima J., Mr. Maybe, Swapping Lives (which is strangely similar to The Holiday with Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz). But the one I'm reading is The Other Woman, which is about an engaged couple.
The other woman? The mother in law. It's so good.
And Twilight. I succumbed. I'm only on Chapter 1 though...
And also, Tess of the d'Ubervilles.
This is the book I'm supposed to be reading for my book club, but I just CANNOT get into it. I realize it's a classic and good for me and all that, but it's just SOOOO boring. Is that terrible? Who cares. If I'd made any new year's resolutions, they would've had to do with the fact that there's only so many things you can do that are good for you. Right now I'm working on trying to floss my teeth more often. And the rest, well I just can't feel guilty for not doing things I don't want to do. Anyway, I bought the book--and paid like $11 in a used bookstore for it because it was the only copy left and it was an original or close to--so I've done my part for the publishing industry this week. And it's a very pretty book, so I have it on my nightstand, with other pretty books that I like to look at, but not touch.
Speaking of classics, I've also been watching some good old movies lately.
Not New At All Movies
Twelve Angry Men: I love a good court movie, and this one's a classic. It stars Henry Fonda (who I love. On Golden Pond is my all-time favourite movie). It's surprisingly captivating, given that all but 3 minutes of the movie take place in a tiny room. So you're really just staring at twelve angry men yell at each other for an hour and a half.
Rebel Without a Cause.
I'd never seen this, and I was totally surprised. I thought it was going to be more like, well, Grease, to be honest (without the singing). It wasn't. That's all I'm going to say.
The Shining: I've seen this a million times but The Hubs never had, and there's no better way to start the year than with a little Tony and redrum.
Saw III.
Really, after Saw II I swore I would never see another of these movies, but then Saw III was on TV and so I taped it, which was a huge mistake because after watching it, I couldn't sleep for like three hours, and so I had to watch all my taped episodes of Chris Angel: Mindfreak.
I have no idea why, but I TOTALLY love him and I have already convinced The Hubs that we have to go to Vegas so that I can meet him. We're in negotiations. My stepsister is there right now as we speak and is going to see his show, so I told her to let him know I'm coming. She said she's see. She didn't even WANT to see his show! Can you even imagine? It's really beyond my comprehension, in the same way as I have no idea how someone could have possibly thought that Bromance was a good idea.
Tonight I watched the series premiere of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Yes, it started last year. I'm behind. Consider it time travel, which is actually quite appropriate for this series. Anyway, there was a Season 1 marathon on Space to catch you up before Season 2 started (so clearly I CAN'T be the only one who missed it the first time around, and anyway, it's a good way not to get addicted to a show that's going to get cancelled after one season, no?). So anyway, we set the PVR to tape all the episodes that aired this weekend and now have like fourteen billion episodes (because of course, if you set your PVR to tape them all, you get like 7 of the same episode). So anyway, maybe everyone already discussed this last year at this time, but is it me or does Sarah Connor (Lena Headey) ...
look a little like Naomi Watts?
And, does Cameron (Summer Glau)...
Look a little like Autumn Reeser?
In other time travel news, I read this article today. Nevermind what the most controversial album covers ARE, my question is this: How does anyone know what the covers are? Does anybody even buy CDs anymore? And if you think NO, like I do, then how on earth does anyone know what the cover of a CD looks like? Oh sure, I know, it's on your iPod when you download the song, but do you ever actually scroll to look at the cover? Am I supposed to be? Am I being a bad fan because I don't?
Okay, on closer perusal of the list, it appears that most if not all of the album covers are from the days BEFORE iTunes. When people bought CDs, tapes and even albums. Is this list even accurate then? Because I bet there's got to be way more controversial covers now, only we don't know it.
Or maybe everyone else does, but I'm just totally out of it? (Which wouldn't be surprising. I mean, I AM watching new shows a year late).
First of all, thanks for ALL the amazing suggestions on where I can pick my own apples! Who knew? That's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to tie it into an apple-picking-pumpkin-picking excursion in October.
In the meantime though, all I could think of was apple butter and how I wanted to make it, so... I went to the Rabba. I know! My coworker who told me I COULD not, under NO circumstances buy my apples at the Rabba because I would be paying triple what I would pay if I went to Food Basics or No Frills is now turning over in his apron. He would be so ashamed of me. But, No Frills doesn't have parking and Food Basics is not exactly in the best hood, and I can just walk to the Rabba and then carry the apples home. And they had a big bin of the new fresh off the tree apples (not shiny, still with leaves on the stems!). I got 10 pounds and only paid $7! That seems pretty cheap to me, and it made a double batch of apple butter. It took me two episodes of Ellen just to peel them all and my fingers were like prunes after, but now, the apple butter is cooking! And I have the cutest little mini Mason jars with pink plaid lids!
So I can make my first batch now, and my second in October when I go to the farm and pick the apples myself.
In other news, I just finished reading sTORI telling. OH my god. It's so good. Like, I cannot stop reading it so good. Tori is so funny, so self-deprecating, that you will love her if you read this book. Trust me. And there's a lot of good 90210 dirt and all the stuff about her marriage, her affair, her remarriage... plus pics. I never really liked her or respected her, but now, even the fact that a few months ago she was caught signing autographs (allegedly) at the airport here in Toronto for $20, I totally get why. She explains it all. She's poor now. Seriously. But if you had her life, you'd understand how it happened. If Drew Barrymore hadn't already called her memoir Little Girl Lost, it would've been the perfect title for Tori's book (though her title is awesome). If you haven't read it, you totally should. Also to note: it's in hardcover and when you take off the dustjacket, the book is HOT PINK. Love it!
Now that I love Tori, I'm disappointed she didn't return to 90210, but again, the book explains it (though not exactly pertaining to the new show), but basically, Tori has spent her life trying to get away from being "Donna Martin" because she's a really funny actress and just wanted to show that off. I don't want to ruin the book if you're going to read it, but given that she was in debt when she met Dean I can get why she'd agree to go back on the show, but the fact that she wasn't getting paid as much as the other girls was unfair. When her dad was the producer, he insisted on not paying her as much but by the end she was one of the stars (especially after Brenda, Dylan and Brandon were gone). So it's not fair they wouldn't pay her as much as Brenda and Kelly.
See how I'm defending her? That's what the book did to me!
In other 90210 news, was it me or did they totally set up last week's preview so that we thought Brenda would be introduced at the school this week? And then she wasn't. Having Jackie Taylor back on was great though, but I'm sad she was a drunk and cokehead again. I loved her when she was clean and she and Kelly got along. But, this means Silver moves in with Kelly, which means maybe Kelly will stay on the show for the whole season? At this rate though, I feel like even if they cut out all the oldies, I'm still going to watch it. It's nothing new (couldn't this just be the new class of The OC, really? except not as witty?), but still.... If only they could get everyone to stop laughing at all the jokes, and get Annie to stop overacting. She's cute, but please, stop trying so hard! I do love how she suddenly got cute clothes.
Finally, did you hear that LC is writing YA books? Exciting! They're loosely based on her life, but will be fiction, and she has a three book deal with HarperCollins so far. Can't wait.
All I can think of is Brenda and Kelly and the whole new class, Tonight... the season premiere of 90210!!!
I know, I have to keep my expectations low. After all, it's not going to be about Kelly and Brenda and Brandon and Dylan. Although... I feel that the producers are trying to keep some similarities... like isn't Dustin Milligan totally channeling Dylan with his Porsche?
And is it me, or doesn't AnnaLynne McCord's dress remind you of the black dress with the white bow that both Kelly and Brenda wear to the Spring Fling?
I can't wait. The clothes, the shoes, the gossip... even The Hubs (who has already endured nearly the entire original series, which I taped in its entirety when it replayed on TVtropolis a few years ago) is excited. Really. Okay maybe I have to remind him he's excited, but whatever.
This weekend was all about back to school. I love fall, as it's a great chance to make a fresh start, revise those resolutions (like um, going to the gym again, which apparently, I haven't been to ALL summer, but whatever, surely a few laps in the pool count for something, don't they?). Anyway, usually, the whole "back to school" idea is in theory, since I don't actually go to school, but just back to the office and my computer (which, speaking of which, has not arrived. Where is my pink computer?!). But this year, school was not just as a theory, as today, I taught my first class! That's right, I'm now officially a teacher. I even ordered a book (because books are useful!) and it came in the mail addressed to Professor Simmons. (Which is actually quite a stretch given I don't any qualifications to be called a professor...). Anyway, I'm teaching a post-grad magazine writing class at one of the colleges in the city. And I survived Day 1. Phew. Did you know that classrooms don't have chalk boards and chalk anymore? It's true. It's all wipeboards. Which is great because chalk on your butt is a really downer.
Unfortunately for the students, they're stuck with me, not some hot guy like on 90210. But really, I'm helping them. Because honestly, if this....
... was your teacher (okay straight guys aside), how could you possibly concentrate on anything? See? Much better to be stuck with me.
This weekend, I prepped for going back to school by going to see The House Bunny. Which isn't really about going to class, actually, but about living in a sorority, which is at school...
In other school-ish news, what's going on with Gossip Girl? Am I confused? I was reading Entertainment Weekly and I thought the 2-hour debut was last night but was that only in the US?
If you know, please tell me. And now, back to the countdown. SEVEN HOURS!!!!!
Important Matter #1: How much are you loving The Hills? Oh I know, it's fake and all that, but still. Anyway, have you been watching The Aftershow that's on daily at 7:30? Did you see the clip about Heidi and Spencer on Ryan Seacrest talking about how Heidi's saving herself for marriage????? Even though, in Season 2 there was that whole serious conversation in Spencer's car where Heidi tells him that she took the pregnancy test? Apparently the image is all for her burgeoning Christian rock music career.
Are you watching The Bachelorette? This season is SO good. I think the network figured out that not even the most faithful Bachelor addict can tune in for 25 weeks or whatever it used to be, so in this season all the episodes are TWO HOURS and DeAnna sends home THREE guys each week! It's DRAMA with capital letters, let me tell you. This week, she totally lost it with the guys, who -- aside from my boyfriends Jason and Jeremy -- were being IDIOTS.
As an aside, if you are watching A Shot at Love this season, don't you think that Kreepy Kyle and The Bachelorette's Jeremy look a lot alike? Weird.
Kreepy Kyle
Jeremy
I think Jeremy's the keeper of the two, based on his choice in women to marry. I mean, which girl would YOU want to bring home to meet your mom?
DeAnna...
Tila ...
DeAnna...
Tila...
But nevermind, both girls want to find love, and so do Kyle and Jeremy. As do all the other boys on The Bachelorette and A Shot at Love. Who are we to judge? Oh come on, we have to judge! That's the point of the show!
On Tila, I think that Brittany's going to win. Even though she said she HATES needles, she got a belly button piercing to show her love for Tila.
"I know I said I HATE piercings so getting my belly button pierced would seem like it was a BIG deal, so just pretend you didn't notice that I already have my lip pierced."
On The Bachelorette I think Graham's going to win.
"I can't be bothered to shave or wash my hair and I don't want to kiss you and I sulk a lot, but I love you, DeAnna...."
Jason is my favourite. Even though he's so sweet (He's a little like Matthew Broderick, no?) and she likes to play tonsil hockey with him and snuggle with him she's not going to pick him because he's a single dad and I think DeAnna wants a fresh start at making a family and to be the guy's only focus for a while, at least. Jeremy will be close - also a kissy-face contender, and she likes Jesse but he's too un-suitable for her, with his crazy sneakers and colourful jackets and shaggy hair. Also he's a pro snowboarder. How long is THAT going to last? Then what? Sneaker salesman? Anyway, her loins quiver for Graham, so even though he's acting like a bit of a dinkhead, she's going to choose him. At least, that's what I think. What do you think?
In the meantime, here's some things the boys need to learn. Really, all boys - on a reality show or not - could use these tips.
1. When a girl's around, don't play some stupid drinking game with the boys and act like a jerk. She's not going to be impressed.
2. When the girl wants to kiss you, don't get mad at her because she's kissing other boys (and girls) too. That's the point of the show. Okay, I guess in real life you can get mad if your girlfriend's kissing a billion people.
3. Don't tell a girl that she's a redneck. Even if she's from the south, it's an insult.
4. When you get alone time, don't talk about how you "really feel a connection" and "really hope" she'll "save a" place in her heart/rose for him/spot on her list/chance to get to know eachother better. Talk about something real. Ask her a question! Sigh.
5. When a girl wants to know how romantic you can be, DO NOT talk about roses. DeAnna gives away a billion roses over the course of the show. Roses are not romantic. They are a prop. However, when it comes to Tila, tattoos are apparently romantic, even though she has 17 already. So go ahead, get a tattoo. Or a piercing. Whatever.
So this morning NKOTB were on the Today Show - did you watch it? So good. At first, I wasn't that impressed with the boys' dance moves. They were really tentative and I get that they might not have danced in 15 years but when you decide to reunite you get a team of chefs and personal trainers and stylists and all that so that you can look hot so surely, wouldn't you also get an army of choreographers, who would ramp up your dance moves? I have no idea. I have never been famous nor made a comeback, but I'm just guessing. So why the slowpoke shuffle? I was thinking. And then I realized that it was pouring rain and the stage was more like a Slip n' Slide, so I cut them some slack. You know, because my opinion matters.
What I couldn't get over though was when Jordan came out with his sunglasses on. I was like OH-NO-he-does-NOT-have-a-drug-problem-and-his-eyes-are-bloodshot-and-so-he-is-forced-to-wear-sunglasses-at-8:30-a.m.-how-lame-is-that-why-did-I-ever-like-him-best?
But then, he took the glasses off halfway through the first medley and the whites of his eyes were white and I breathed a sigh of relief. I mean, it's not like I couldn't understand if he WAS a bit down in the dumps the past 15 years ... since he hasn't really done that much, but now would be NO time to continue the drug addiction! They're going on tour! People waited outside for hours to see them even though it was raining, and two BFFS drove all the way from Toronto and waited in line for THREE days. They were super cute and so the Today Show gave them free tickets to the Toronto show. Personally, I'd rather have gotten the chance to touch them, but maybe that's a little creepy on the block.
Did you hear? It's confirmed: Jennie Garth is joining the cast of CW's Beverly Hills, 90210 spinoff, as a guidance counsellor. I can hardly stand it. Kelly was always my favourite.
And she went to college for psychology, so she's totally going to "get" the students, and hopefully, help the new twins adjust from Des Moines or St. Paul. Just kidding... But still, remember when Emily Valentine...
started at West Beverly and Kelly had her baby doll dress in a knot because Emily was hanging out with Brandon AND Dylan and then Emily said "They should have given me a score card instead of a class schedule, so I can keep track of everyone's boyfriends."
Kelly should consider doing that for the new class. It would be like, totally helpful.
Anyway I can't wait for the new generation. I was a bit worried that the kids would be too young, but I didn't need to worry. In true 90210 fashion, we've got 22-year-old Jessica Stroup (of The Hills Have Eyes, Reaper and Prom Night) ...
AnnaLynne McCord, who's 21, and really the cutest! I bet she's the new Kelly.
Dustin Milligan (23) from Yellowknife...
You're not going to need that jacket in Beverly Hills, Dusty. Unless of course, you have the top down on your Porsche.
In other boy news, we've got Michael Steger (of Hannah Montana fame), whose age is nowhere to be found, which means he's either super old (and didn't want a Felicity-type scandal when the show found out he was actually 30) or super young. Like high-school age.
In any case, he's going to be the high-school politician. Or, the new Brandon.
There is one high school age actor: 18-going-on-19-year-old Shenae Grimes (from Toronto!), which makes her the Donna Martin of the show. But we don't have to worry about her graduating, because she already graduated from Degrassi: The Next Generation!
You know who else already graduated? The hottest guy on the show: Ryan Eggold (who's in Johnny Drama's show within a show "Five Towns" on Entourage and on Dirt).
He'll be playing the English teacher. Sigh... I can't wait to go back to school in the fall.
What could be more perfect to talk about here than a bunch of women looking to get un-STUCK?
Tonight the latest reality show, Stuck, airs on W. One of my funniest freelancers, Bonnie Staring, stars in this show.
I first met Bonnie through my friend Janine, who has a super fun all-beauty-all-the-time (except when she talks about other important issues like pink umbrellas from H&M and working out) blog. Janine is the former Beauty Editor at Canadian Living, and a few years ago, she received Bonnie's story pitch about her Style by Jury makeover. I LOVED the story and we ran it in Elevate.
Did you follow that?
Bonnie's funny, articulate and so, so talented, which is why I was so thrilled when she became a regular freelancer for us.
I'm sure all the women are going to have great stories to tell, but of course I'm rooting mostly for Bonnie (although, I suppose, this isn't like Survivor - no one's getting booted off Stuck Island). Anyway, here's her bio:
Bonnie: STUCK in a solitary, sedentary lifestyle Bonnie, 40, is a quick witted writer living with diabetes. To live a long, happy life, she needs to get active now - but she's a self-professed "gym loser". An only child who now works alone from home, her first hurdle is overcoming the anxiety she feels in a group setting. Haunted by memories of being picked last in gym class, Bonnie’s focused on conquering her fears and achieving significant results.
If you're, like me, running out of reality shows to watch now that The Hills and Fashionista Diaries are over, then we should watch this show and then we can discuss it here afterward -- or head over to Bonnie's blog where she'll hopefully be recapping with all the behind-the-scenes juicy details after each episode!
There really is just so much to discuss. First of all, in my post labelled "The Hills, Booster Juice and Duff Stuff", I completely forgot to talk about Duff Stuff. Apparently three topics was just one too many for one post. So here's the story. I got a text message on my cellphone the other day, and was quite confused seeing as how I have gotten about five text messages in my life, which is about as many as I've sent. I like to think that it's a 30something black hole, that when we started using cellphones text messaging didn't exist so we just never got in the habit of it the way 20somethings and teens did, but then how do I explain the fact that my 40something brother-in-law TMs (is that even the lingo for text messaging?) or that my 50something aunt does, too? Maybe all my friends actually TM, just not me, because they know they won't get a reply?
Anyway, clearly getting a text message is a rare occurrence, so I happily picked up the message, only to find that it was from Rogers. Ho hum. Except, they were telling me I'd won a FREE ringtone! All I had to do was log onto the site to choose whichever ringtone from the list I wanted and they wouldn't charge me one cent. (I'm fairly certain I'll still be charged for the five minutes I was logged onto the site actually waiting to see the list of ringtones). So I fall for it. Log on and find the list. You know what was on it? One song.
With Love by Hilary Duff.
Come. On.
Duffy and I actually go way back. A few years ago, I did an interview with Duffy. It was right before that movie in which Heather Locklear plays her mom. Oh right, The Perfect Man. Here's a little window into how the interview went (questions have been modified because I can't recall the actual questions):
Me: You're a singer, actor and clothing designer. Which is closest to your heart? Duffy (slightly muffled): I'm a singer, actor and clothing designer - which is closest to my heart. Publicist (even more muffled): You like them all equally. You love to try new things. Duffy (with enthusiasm): I like them all equally. I love trying new things.
Me: What do you look for in a role? Duffy: What do I look for in a role? Publicist: An interesting story and characters... Duffy: An interesting story and characters...
Me: Can you put your publicist on so that I can finish this interview? Duffy: Can I put...
Kidding. But you get the idea. I'm not saying she doesn't have her own thoughts. Maybe she does. She's just not allowed to voice them without getting them peer-reviewed first. Who am I to judge? After all, she's a huge success now and doesn't have two kids or any ex-husbands. Or a shaved head. Let's consider for a moment the un-peer-reviewed alternative.
If you haven't read the story in this month's Allure with Miss Brit (or rather, the interview in which the writer waits four days for her to show up and she never does) you need to. Now. It'll be the best-spent 10 minutes of your day. Promise.
Did you hear about the butt cam for those times when you're trying on jeans? As if jean shopping wasn't traumatic enough.
And finally, tell me that you didn't RUN to your computer to listen to Heidi's song "Body Language" last night...
Did you watch it? Seriously, I haven't been this excited for a season premiere since Entourage. Or 90210. Is this pathetic? I'm not sure, but it's true.
I mean, come on, the Hollywood tag on Speidi's wall? Too, too much.
Not to mention The Hills debut of Heidi's new nose and new boobs ...
and engagement ring (even though she's been wearing it for months)...
Also, in case you haven't already Googled it, Heidi's ring apparently cost $2,800 at Ice, but doesn't this look like the same ring to you?... for $265? Hmmm...
Anyway, apparently the engagement is a total publicity stunt and that three weeks into the fakegagement they'd already raked in $30,000 in photo ops. So maybe that's why Spenny didn't want to dish out the cash for a real ring. Or maybe he spent the rest on his frosted tips. Or Playmates. Who knows. But I LOVE it all. LOVE. It. All.
In other exciting news, there's a new shop opening in my neighbourhood. I should preface this by saying that I live pretty much right downtown, which means that there tends to be a lot of shops, but not a lot of variety in shops, due to a trend that goes like this:
One shwarma place opens. Then another. Then a third. Then someone else wants to open a restaurant in the area and they wonder, "What type?" and they look around and say, "Ahh, there are three shwarma shops. People must like shwarma. I'll open one too just three doors down!" Then this pattern repeats until there are 7 shwarma shops, 6 Indian restaurants, 3 revolving sushi bars, 8 thai takeouts and 14 dollar stores in a one-subway stop square radius.
Now I'm not opposed to any of these types of shops, but it makes making a decision as to which one of 13 wrap shops to visit all the more difficult for an indecisive person like me. It also leaves little room for new, DIFFERENT types of shops. Which is why, when the fake-Lush-soap-type shop closed up on my street a few days ago, I was hopeful something good would go in. But I never dreamt it would be this.
BOOSTER JUICE?!?!?!?!?!?
I LOVE Booster Juice! Until now, there was never one near my work or home, so whenever I'd see one when I was in my travels I'd get so excited that I'd forgo any planned meal for a smoothie. I mean, is there any better guilt-free indulgence than something that tastes so good it must be bad for you but is actually good for you?
And now there's going to be one like 15 steps from my front door. FIFTEEN STEPS!
Jeremy
DeAnna...
Tila ...
Tila...
Tonight the latest reality show, Stuck, airs on W. One of my funniest freelancers, 
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