Tuesday Tuck Shop

When I was younger, I lived in the sun. I took waitressing jobs so that I could tan all day, then work at night. But now, I'm not an idiot, and I wear SPF 30 every day. The result is that I'm so pale. I don't mind having a pale face - I try to remind myself that it's better than wrinkles, but since I'm not likely to get massive wrinkles on my legs (just yet), I wish my legs were tanned. Given that I have no patience, I've never been a fan of self-tanners since I don't take the time to smooth them on evenly, wash my hands thoroughly, or let them dry fully before dressing. Then a few years ago, companies started making moisturizers with a hint of glow in them. Everyone raved about them, but I was a skeptic, because you still need to let them dry before dressing, and I really can't figure out what to do with myself while standing around naked in my bedroom waiting for my legs to un-slime-ify. But in early spring, with skirts and shorts weather looming, I really couldn't handle looking at my white post-like legs any longer, so I decided to try Jergens Natural Glow Firming Daily Moisturizer. This product relaunched this year with the "firming" aspect (it contains collagen and elastin that are supposed to work with the naturally occurring collagen and elastin in your skin to help keep the skin more taut like it was when you were 20). I figured since it was now a 2-in-1 product, perhaps it would be worth my while to stand around since it would be doing double-duty: I'd be getting tanned AND firmed-up legs at the same time! (If, that is, the cream actually worked). Still, even though I was excited at the idea, I was hardly diligent. I applied the cream once, then promptly forgot about it for two weeks, then applied it once more, then fell off the bandwagon. Then I went on vacation where it was chilly and I was back to covering up, and I forgot about how white my legs really were. Until last week's heat wave hit and I was forced to pull on a pair of shorts.

I decided to apply the Jergens cream every morning, no excuses. And then something happened. I hadn't been going to the gym very much (read: at all) since I got back from vacation, but yesterday I decided it was time to get back on the treadmill. Afterwards, I attempted to reinstate my weight workout, so I was standing in front of the mirror doing squats, when I felt alarmed at my legs. Like they weren't my own. They looked toned, like there were actually muscles in them! Since I hadn't done any exercise in weeks, for a split second I thought that maybe laying on the couch, eating dessert every day, and not working out WAS the secret to great legs! Maybe I didn't ever need to work out again, I thought with glee.

And then I figured it out. My daily application (I'd just completed my first full week of streak-free applications) of the Jergens Natural Glow Firming Daily Moisturizer HAD actually made a difference. Most doctors and dermatologists will say that collagen and elastin can't enter your skin in topical form (being applied in a cream to the top layer of skin), but I'm not so sure. Maybe all it took was a hint of a tan to make my legs look better. Or maybe the collagen and elastin in the cream DO work. But either way, I'm hooked. I suppose I should still try to do some form of exercise every day, but when I can't, I've now got my backup workout plan - and waiting around for five minutes for the cream to dry is actually a lot easier to do than running on a treadmill for half an hour.