Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Red rum, red rum

I am writing this post in fear for my life.

It all started on Saturday when it was so freezing outside that Biff suggested we go to see a movie. The only one playing at the time was The Mist. I thought it was going to be some sappy girly movie. Like the Notebook, set in some seaside town with mist that makes everything romantic. Turns out it WAS set in some seaside town, only the MIST had some crazy monsters in it. And there was this scene where the people had to kill the monster and the only way to do it was with this fire axe...

Except they only hacked off a small bit of the monster's tentacle, which made him super mad and he came back, again and again.

And all I could keep thinking was, it's okay, it's just a movie, it's not going to happen to me. After all, I've never before in my life seen such a huge-ass fire axe in the city. They don't exist. They only exist in small seaside towns where you'd actually NEED such an enormous axe to defend yourself against monsters in the MIST. As long as I never go anywhere where there are these huge-ass axes there will be no monsters in the mist.

So I spent the rest of the weekend trying to NOT think about the movie and how there are no monsters in the mist and then, yesterday, I arrived at a hotel. In the MIDDLE of the WOODS in the MIDDLE of Quebec where everyone speaks French and there are no shops and really, no people for miles. It seemed very peaceful and lovely until...

I got to my room. And saw this...

...outside my door. It's on the wall outside my room, which is at the end of the hall all by itself in this little alcove. With no other people around. Just me. By myself.

I was so scared last night I could barely sleep. Especially because when you're half-blind without your glasses and you look out your window from your bed when it's snowing really hard it looks like MIST. And then, when you hear banging outside your door, all you can think is that it's the monster, coming to get you.

It turns out, there are just construction workers outside my door in the hall only every time I go out of my room they're just sitting around, eating their lunch (even at 7:30 in the morning and 3:30 in the afternoon) which is making me very suspicious that they're construction workers at all and not monsters, and that they just morph into ladders and rags and humans to trick me. And even though my door is locked and the chain is on it, all I can think is that all they'll have to do is grab the fire axe...

and hack through my door. Just like in The Shining.

Red rum. Red rum.

I'm doomed. If you don't hear from me again, you'll know what happened.

1 comment:

vickie said...

Okay, there is NO WAY I believe you actually sat down to watch "The Mist" believing it was going to be anything other than a Stephen King horror movie. I know you, and you do not live under a rock.

Skeptically yours,