Job talk: Better than a bus driver?

The other day, my friend and I were discussing other jobs we'd like to have. After all, we're supposed to have five careers in our lifetimes, so why not get started on the next one? My friend said she'd like to be a school bus driver. "You just get up in the morning, drive around, then go home, you have the whole day to do other stuff, and then you go pick the kids up in the afternoon and you're still home to watch reality TV at night." 

True, but I think bus drivers have it hard. Remember how much crap they had to put up with - the taunting, the cat calls? I used to think they were so mean, driving away as you're running for the bus or screaming at us to sit down and shut up, but really, you'd have to be with all those raging teen hormones, just to protect yourself. My favourite school bus driver was this guy, who seemed like an adult, but was probably about 19 and he strapped up what was likely the original ghetto blaster ever (which now, if we're being politically correct, is called a boom box) with duct tape to the front of the bus, above his head. Then, he would blast AC/DC and Metallica, which droned us all out. At first, all the boys made fun of him for being so weird, but he couldn't hear their taunts, so eventually everyone just stopped and started liking him.

Still, I don't think I could be a school bus driver. I cry too easily. 

But what I could be is a crossing guard. How fun would that be? Same hours, and you don't have to get a bus driver's license. And it's all little kids and they always love the crossing guard and bring her presents at the end of the school year and Christmas. Plus, all that walking back and forth across the intersection is like forced exercise! When I was a young MC, we had a super fat crossing guard. Like 300 pounds fat. We all loved her. Then one day, she got hit by a car. It was awful and she had to go to the hospital and she didn't work for months while she recovered. But then, when she came back she was SO skinny! And she said that getting hit by the car (and well, not dying) was the best thing that happened to her because it's like the car knocked the fat right out of her! And she never got fat again, no matter how much she ate. Can you even believe it? Now that's job satisfaction at its best.