A new way to be green

We all know we're supposed to be green. But admit it, sometimes it's a pain in the butt. I mean, the blue box, the grey box, the red box, the green box, not to mention composting. I'll admit it. Sometimes, I'm not very green. I live in a condo, so we're not allowed to compost or have a green box. You can, of course, recycle bottles, cans and paper, but you have to bring it down to the basement to do so, which sometimes sucks, especially when you're all dressed up for work...



and then you get all grimy and you have to back upstairs and fix your makeup.



I know, this is a horrible reason to NOT recycle, but thankfully, a friend just tipped me on to the perfect
solution.




If they work for grime on your face, why not grime on your hands, too? So now, there's no excuse not to bring my recycling downstairs.

And then, this morning, I read this article: Please Refrain from Procreating.

It seems, according to the article, that the best way to stop the earth from dying is to cut off human life. After all, we're the ones killing the earth! This seems a bit drastic. Still, I suppose the article has a point that maybe we shouldn't each have 17 children.

I know, this may be hard to handle, if you were hoping to give birth to your own Tour de France team...



Or were looking forward to your breasts inflating to astronomical proportions, making all your friends green with envy...



But really, that's a whole different type of green. And it's not one that's going to save the world. Instead, there's a few things you can do to save yourself from 17 children ... and save the world!

They're very easy and can be accomplished in the same amount of time as it takes to read this.

First, try to avoid boys who will woo you into the bedroom by showing you what they have to offer...



You may be thinking: But what if I'm bored? What will I do?

Instead, invite your girlfriends over for a nice, safe, sex-free night of cards...



Or call up a neighbour and find out what's been going on in the neighbourhood...



Or buy a new swimsuit and go sit on a diving board... (but don't make eye contact with any boys)...




Then, take a break and think about how you could not do this for even FIVE seconds if you had a baby...



There. Have you managed to avoid having babies in the time it took to read this? Then you have done your part. At least for today. And don't worry. One baby? Fine. Three babies. It's okay. Entire synchronized swim team?...



Maybe not.