Monday, January 28, 2008

Mr. Rooter is not so sexy or smart...

Mr Rooter, though a man in uniform, sucks. Because remember how he said "Trade for trade?" and then promised that if I bought the fake Drain-O, he would give me the name of his plumber friend who would solve my boring-ass shower problems? Well, what he REALLY meant was "Buy my fake Drain-O for $75 and I will laugh all way to the bank because I don't have a special plumber friend. Ha ha ha."

Luckily I used my Nancy Drew spy skills to find the cartridge myself, which involved calling the store, and then emailing them pictures and then them telling me they no longer carry that line but that I could call the distributor, which I did and coerced them to sell me the part at cost, if I came with cash to the back door. It was all very spy-like and I felt very much like I was on an undercover mission. I even used a code word - Splancy - but the girl just stared at me. Still, she gave me the cartridge, which was cool, though the actual cartridge didn't look as cool as I'd envisioned. It sort of looks like it might be a handheld time machine, but it has not stopped time - no, four weeks have still now passed since my shower started dripping.

The good thing was that she also gave me the number of a plumber and he actually answered his phone and said he would only charge me only $80 and would put in the part last Thursday, only last Thursday turned out to be today at 2 pm and then he called at 8 am and said he was at my door. Interesting scope of time, but I'm not complaining because he's here.

Only, he seems more interested in showing me his tools. Like, look, I have sexy tools. Do you like my sexy tools? Do you want to kiss my sexy tools?

But really, I don't care, I just want him to leave me alone while he fixes the shower! But I am smiling so that he thinks I care so that he will fix the shower. He has just told me that I need some tool to turn off the water. Shouldn't he have this? He does, actually, in his van, but he wants me to have one too.

Me: I don't have that tool.
He: You need it.
Me: Don't you have one?
He: Yes. But you should have one. What if you have a water leak and you need to turn off the water?
Me: I do have a water leak. That's why I called you.
He: But what if you have a pipe burst and there's water everywhere?
Me: I call the super and he'll turn it off.
He: But what if he isn't here? Then what?
Me: I don't know. I cry? (I am thinking this but not saying it, obviously because when you're dealing with tradespeople you have to be strong. You can't cry or they will swindle you. Unless they are already swindling you, in which case, crying is a very valid option. I've tried it. It works. I should've used it on Mr. Rooter with his whole "trade for trade" scam, but I didn't, but back to the story)...
He: See why you need the tool?
Me: Yes, Yes, I need the tool. Now can you fix the shower?
He: No. You need a rubber insert. You're missing the rubber insert. It's still leaking.
Me: But you said all I needed was the time-travel machine. Why did I just spend $120 on the time travel machine?
He: You need that too. And the rubber insert. I'll be back.

He says he'll be back tomorrow, which could be February or 2011. I'm not sure. However, I'm getting used to the leaking sound. It's sort of like a waterfall, which makes me feel like I'm in Borneo. Or Niagara Falls.

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