Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Serenity Now!

I've decided that Mr. Thirsty Head needs to go to LA. No, not that L.A. I'm not sending him to California to meet up with Lauren & Heidi, even though I know Mr Thirsty Head could bring them back together and knock Spencer's creepy teeth out. Obviously I can't send Mr. Thirsty Head there because, if you've been watching The Hills then you're probably wondering what I'm wondering. Which is: what happened to their dogs? Remember, the dogs they both got for Christmas last season? Gone.

Heidi: Where'd our dogs go, Lauren?
Lauren: We had dogs? (Pause).
Oh yeah, I totally forgot. (Longer pause).

Apparently, with all their trips to Area, they didn't have time to feed the dogs. So no, I can hardly send Mr Thirsty Head to hang out with them, because they'd just forget to feed him or give him water, and that's not going to help the problem at hand. So instead, Mr. Thirsty Head is going to Lappers Anonymous, because he needs to get this water-lapping addiction back to the bowl.

I mean, look how CUTE his bowl is?

Could any cat ask for a better bowl to drink his water from? But some-kitty doesn't like this lukewarm, on the floor, not fresh and flowing like a waterfall, water in his bowl.

But the goal is to get him back on the wagon. I mean, the bowl. To get him off the taps. So I looked up the 12 Steps to Serenity" (and recovery). Because if you're going to do the 12 steps, you've got to have a sponsor. And I'm just that kind of mom.

Step 1: Mr Thirsty Head must admit that he's powerless over his addiction and that his life has become unmanageable.

Right. So, last night, after Everwood, we sat down to talk about it. I told him that I don't have time to turn taps on and off for him and since he hasn't learned how to do it himself, it needs to come to an end. He just kept meowing and looking at the tap in the tub. So I think he realizes his addiction but he can't stop himself.

Then I told him that this addiction is unmanageable for me. And since his life really is in my hands - I mean, he can't feed himself or give himself water without me - that part of the step is up to me. And he realizes that. After spending an HOUR trying to break into his bag of catfood.

Must. Bust. Open. Bag.

Without any success. I'm not sure if he really was hungry or was just trying to prove a point - that I'm not the boss of him. Or perhaps he was just upset because he, too, thought that when I said he was going to LA, that I meant to visit Lauren & Heidi & Whitney & Audrina & evil Spencer.

But he wasn't. Instead, he took a trip to a land called Patio, where he had to sit and think about why he shouldn't wake his mother up at 3 am trying to bust open the cat food bag.

It may not have been sunny California, but it was raining, so he got all the water he wanted. And when he came back inside, he assured me that he fully comprehends and surrenders to Step 1 of the 12 step-plan.

Success! Only 11 more steps to go!

No comments: