Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Homie comes to Toronto

I heart Annie Choi. A few weeks ago, she was cleaning her place and found a bunch of Homies. She wanted to give them new homes. I told Mr. Baz this, and he decided he wanted a Homie to play with. So he sat down to send Annie an email asking for a Homie to love.

And then, a few days later, a Homie arrived in an package from America. The package was marked Airmail and addressed to Mr. Baz. He felt very important.

Mr. thinks Homie looks a little like the Anti-Santa Claus. He calls him Anti-Santi. Homie doesn't like his new nickname very much.

Mr. Baz and Homie decide to play a game of Cat & Homie. Actually it's all Mr. Baz's idea. Homie thinks Mr. Baz has an unfair advantage. Homie is sitting in a chair. He's not very mobile.

When Mr. Baz gets tired of all the activity, Homie checks out the pad. He finds three soldiers and tries to hang with them. They're pretty stiff. He thinks they could use a drink. 

Homie goes outside to check out Toronto. He sees the CN Tower and thinks it's pretty cool. Or tall, at least. He asks Mr. Baz if they can get a closeup look but Mr. Baz says he's no workhorse and if Homie wants to go downtown he better get up off his chair and walk. Homie thinks that sounds like a lot of effort, all to see some stupid tall tower. He'd rather hang out  on the patio, with his butt an inch off the barbeque. It feels warm. Sort of like he has peed himself.

Back inside, Homie spots Chantel's keys. There's a silver shoe. Like the glass slipper. He feels a little like Cinderella until he tries on the heel and discovers it's way too big. Then he feels like an evil stepsister, but he tries to pretend the silver would just ruin his dope outfit. He decides to go with Chantel to work. 

He checks out the beauty stash. He sees some Gillette antiperspirant for men, but he doesn't need it. He's not like Richard Simmons. He doesn't sweat. 

He thinks the aloe plant would make a dope slide. But the prickles prick his butt. Chantel says they can go get manicures, so they leave. 

On the way, Homie sees a Free Dream Box. He thinks he would like a free dream. But when he looks inside the box he sees it is empty. Apparently there's no such thing as a free dream.

At the nail shop, the manicurist tells him to pick out a shade of polish. He thinks black or purple would rock, but all there seems to be is 17 shades of pink.  

Instead, he steals a nail file and fashions it into a snowboard so he can shred some gnar outside.

On the way home they pass the World's Biggest Bookstore. He  wonders what the world's biggest book is or if all the books inside the store are gigantic. Like books on 'roids. He wants to go in but Chantel says they have plenty of books at home. 

There seem to be a lot of Nancy Drew Mysteries. What's up with Ned Nickerson anyway? He's not as cool as the Hardy Boys. He wears pink polo shirts. 

Then Homie sees Annie's book Happy Birthday or Whatever. He misses Annie. But that seems wimpy, so he goes to find something macho to do.

He checks out RockBand. He wants to play the drums but he's too small to hold the stix. And pounding his butt against the drums makes it hurts.

Since the drums suck, he tries the microphone. They play Bon Jovi. He is Jon. He is wanted dead or alive. He's going down in a blaze of glory. He is livin' on a prayer. He gives love a bad name.

1 comment:

LD said...

This was the most random and bizarre post ever. It totally cracked me up!