Friday, March 13, 2009

All Wrapped Up

Earlier this week I got the Universal Contour Wrap – a two-hour treatment that involves you getting measured and marked (à la Nip/Tuck), then wrapped in mud-soaked tensor bandages until you practically can't breathe and then lying on a bed for an hour. Fun times.

All the Hollywood celebs were gifted it pre-Oscars and supposedly it guarantees you lose 6 inches. I actually lost 9, so it was worth the hour of discomfort. But, for it to be permanent, you have to cut out caffeine, sugar and alcohol. In other words (or at least, in my world), stop living. My pants are still loose today, but I'm guessing that my birthday weekend is going to do me in. Oh well, I like my love handles and saddlebags. 

The craziest part about the wrap, though, is that ever since, I can't sleep. The esthetician said it would boost my energy, but I have a feeling I actually do need more than three hours of sleep a night. I have a million thoughts running through my head but seemingly, no ability to filter it or channel it into anything productive. I'm blaming that for the reason this post is so scattered.

Have you heard that Barbie is only $3 – its original price – all week long? It's taking all my willpower not to buy myself one. The only thing that's saving me is that I really want Kissing Barbie – and I'm not sure she still exists.

Kissing Barbie was my favourite. I got her as a birthday gift one year. Sadly, she was also everyone else at my party's favourite, and within about five minutes, before I'd even got to put her lipstick on and make her kiss me on the cheek, she was broken. She was still my favourite. One of my best friends just had a baby girl, so maybe I'll have to buy her first Barbie. Even if she has to keep it in the box for a few years.

Ooh, another thing on the detox topic: I've been using this Body Shop Pure Detox gel for the past month and I really love it because it smells amazing and makes your skin feel really good. And also because I'm all about detox regimes that don't involve me drinking cranberry juice or starving myself.

But the one problem with the gel is that it makes the shower floor so slippery so that every morning I seriously consider that this might be the morning that I actually slip, fall and get a concussion. Or break something. Or die. It's gotten to the point that I tidy up my side of the bed before having my shower, just in case something happens so that the Hubs won't have to contend with my mess while I'm in the hospital, in a body cast. It doesn't help that there have been 2 Friday the 13ths to also contend with. But this morning, as I was using it, I actually read the label closely. And then realized that nowhere on the package does it say to use it in the shower or rinse it away. Do you know why? Because it is not a shower gel. That's right. I have been using a body gel, NOT a shower gel. In the shower. Every morning. And risking my life trying to stand upright as the lotion turns the shower floor into a slip n' slide. Because I am an idiot.

I'm not a very religious person, but every year I attempt to give up something for Lent. Usually, my attempts last about 3 days before I crack. But over the years I've learned that I have to attempt to give up something that I can actually live without for 40 days. In other words, not sweets or carbs. Quitting those crutches is just not for me. Instead, this year I decided to try to walk 10,000 steps a day. I actually thought it would be pretty easy. I was wrong. It's not that 10,000 steps is that far (it's about 8 km), it's just that I realized I don't actually have any need to walk that far. It really would help if my office was a bit farther away. Or, um, if I wasn't lazy. So far I've walked 10,000 two times. I'm going to keep trying – really, given that I'm only sleeping 3 hours a night I've got an extra 5 hours to do something productive, like walk. Except that it's likely not ideal to head out for a walk at 3 am. Unless you are a lady of the evening. But then you're out walking for another reason, which likely  has nothing to do with Lent. 


claudia, vintage muse. said...

some questions/comments:
1. what do you mean you lost 9 inches? how? scary...
2. be careful
3. how do you track your steps? you're not counting are you?
4. i wrote my grade 5 speech on barbie, how she's had ALL the careers out there. i was so ahead of my time, a little feminist if you will.

ps a little suggestion, i find it useful to have your comments open in a separate box so readers can refer to the post when commenting. just saying :)

chantelsimmons said...

Okay voila! A pop-up comment box.

1. Well, they measure you in like 13,000 spots all over your body, and then if you lose like .1 cm, then they add that and they add those all up, so really, you lose like .1 cm all over, but when added up it's 9 inches or something. I look the same. You recognized me. And, I put the .1 cm back on immediately when I stopped following the "no wine" diet. ha.
2. I'm not sure what to be careful of, but I will. :)
3. No! You don't count them yourself, though that would be hilarious. My phone counts them.
4. Can you post your essay on Barbie on your blog, pls? awesome.

claudia, vintage muse. said...

yay pop out window!

i was thinking later it must be something about losing inches all over and then adding them up. pretty cool.

i ment be careful in the shower and read all labels carefully etc..

phones nowadays...jeeeze.

oh i dont know where that speech is, i didnt keep it. i should have, but i didnt. sorry :( it was like, 15 yrs ago.

happy bday and have a great trip :)
ps wear lots of sunscreen.